procrastination + stress + lack of love = depression

hmmm.. entah bile la nk start buat writing. ingatkan nk try buat hari ni.. last2 end up tgk fb satu hari.

skang ni mmg gile2 stress, bukan sebab banyak keje.. tp banyak bende nk fikir. haritu tersalah order dialysis tube. rasenye mcm tersalah,.. risau gile.. tak tau nk explain kat dr.camne.... freeze-dryer lagi.. =(

and lastly, makin hari makin kurang kasih sayang. kalau dulu, begayut 4 jam sehari, pastu lame2 jadik 4 kali sehari. pastu, jadi 4minit sehari. and now, 4 hari sekali. (bukan 4 hari sekali je dpt bgayut, tp 4hari sekali ni dpt dengar suare. gayut belum tentu lagi...)

apelah nasib kan.

so kalau dah nampak tgh depress, tak yah duk tanye2 lagi. makin sedih aderrrr...

so negative of me. =(

isu kamis, jumaat, sabtu, ahad, isninnnn...

kan dah banyak hari melepas...  first of all, mood sangat2 la takde nk menulis kat sni. tp mengingatkan tulis blog dapat pulihkan mood.. i'm here~

kamis 01.12.2011>>
everything went smoothly...mmg xdisangka2kan. dpt karoks puas2.. and dapat flask! yey~ spatutnye kene amik gambar ala-ala dapat trofi gituw. LOL. And guess what? He contacted me! i misss him badly. aww =(


jumaat 02.12.2011>> nothing so special abt this day, except for my isolation. i dunnoe if i'm the only one so perasan with this, but anyway... i was really2 terasa u know. i've been waiting for them to show their appreciation to me, but its damn hopeless. thus, after being 'dumped' or leaved while i'm so rushing, worrying, guilting.. or watever-ing.. i'm no one important. that shows really unimportant i am. anyhow, i managed to recover by today.And i'm hurt so much baybeh. it has been many2 times i've ignored tht kind of irritation and insults. hey, i wont be terhegeh2 anymore. i'm gonna stand on my own. i repeat, on my own.

sabtu>> hari yang sangat tak best. eh lupe plak, ade family day yang sangat tak best di sunway lagoon. wanna know why?
- firstly, the pengurusan of sunway annoys me so much until i feels like "aku nak tarik2 rambut kau". wat the heavens?? yea.. i know, there was a signboard stated that  OUTSIDE FOODS ARE NOT ALLOWED! but wat the heaven la you people bullshit yang lansung tak respect makanan. you guys rampas all the foods, tht mainly are cooked by the best housewives whom are willingly to woke up at 5am just to prepare extra food or emergency foods for their family members? at least, put it properly ON THE TABLE, NOT IN THE GARBAGE PLASTIC LA, pandai! ko sedar tak ramai yang kebulur kat luar tu? takde la terkilan sgt sbb ak dapat makan nugget mahal dengan wedges mahal. tapi yang terkilannye, where is your respect values towards foods? nasib baik tak sempat amik gambar. kalau tak mmg sedap ar aku kutuk sunway's management!

- secondly. diorg ni mmg bapak pandai, because of the protons people are really a lots, korang SPREAD kitorg, plus ragging kitorg mcm nak mampus. sbb nk elak jammed la kan,. dah la makanan sume kene buang, mostly datang awal coz nk reserve parking, HENCE MOSTLY TAK BREAKFAST LAGI. so from where the energy came just to take our BRUNCH..khemah mknn punye la jauh, pastu, jalan balik sehala. mmg pagi2 dah berjaya tawaf sunway lagoon dengan tangan mcm nak patah bawak makanan yang amat berat. balik umah rase mcm nk tercabut tangan ni. hoi.. at least consider la... ape kate spread or divide khemah mknn into several locations? takdela letak kat ujung sunway lagoon.


-3rdly, org ramai sangat. tak sempat nk main ape pun except pirates' revenge.

Ahad>> arghhh.,.. dah rindu die tahap gaban.

Isnin>> Doomed day. dahla sblm Encik pegi, die tak gitau die nak ilang smpai pukul brape. =< tiap2 mase check enset woooo.



xoxo~  sob sob sobbss~~

tomorrow is indeed unpredictable.

yesterday was one of my hard time during my final year research. Who would expect that waiting for queue, hunting for people and stuffs, eventually leads to some kind of depression. I might got many aetiology of depression, yet, when it comes to signs and symptoms, my own diagnosis is a fake. lol. i really got into many mental disturbances nowadays. 

first and foremost, i really cant endure my feelings towards him, the one i love... so much. i miss him like i never meet him for years. being an emotional woman is really tough u know. i've tried my best to lock my tears factory. And as always, i've failed.

Gosh. Plus, these emotional feelings got worsened as I've failed to complete my targeted tasks for yesterday. I just cant stand anymore of these:

- I hate waiting. yea, who's the hell that will love it.

- I hate begging others.

- I hate to repeat the same things that seems to never come to their ends.

- I hate when people just treat me like a rubbish.

- I hate to talk continuously, and suddenly i just learned that no one is actually listening to me from the beginning.

- I hate being forgetful

 

And i hate to be alone. Well readers, u might labelled me as an endless negative thinker. For now, what I need is all supports, which I guess I might not get from my so-called friend. Never. 

Homesick!

And how bout tmrw? last Tuesday i've prepared for the worst. yet, Wednesday is damn painful, like i'm gonna die. I just finished my dinner at 12am, FROM 7pm. I'm glad that I managed to finish my meal. Been pouring tears for every half an hour. Oh do you ever need to read this?

You also might call me crazy if you know that I also laughed merrily and loudly for every half an hour.

Till then, gudnite.

xoxo~